In Bogotá I was thankful I was traveling alone. Now, being in Medellín and feeling a bit depressed, I realize I wasn’t really alone. I took Spanish classes and went with other students to cafes, lunches, and activities organized by the language school. Although I was only there for a week, I miss the camaraderie of both the students and the school staff. I did plenty of things alone- I went to Monserrate and had a very peaceful and re-energizing experience. I visited the Gold Museum and sat in cafes by myself. But I also had the option of spending time with others and having shared experiences. The day before I left, a group students and staff hiked to the Chorrera Waterfall, an excursion I specifically stayed another day to take. I probably seemed antisocial (story of my life), but in hindsight I would not have preferred the hike alone.
One thing I’ve realized more clearly as I’ve gotten older is that I do crave closeness, sometimes to an unhealthy degree when it comes to relationships with men who don’t really care about my well-being. As a child with social anxiety disorder, I was controlled by fear. As a teenager and young adult, I began to claim my isolation as a choice I was making, though that “choice” was in response to circumstances mostly beyond my control. Now, as I near my third decade, I wonder how far I’ve really come in dealing with these root issues that fuel depression. Even though I spent only one week in Bogotá, it’s normal to grow attached to people as you share new experiences in a new place together. My challenge is to not spiral downwards and let that cloud of sadness stop me from fully enjoying the rest of my time in Colombia.
I’m not the biggest fan of Medellín for a few reasons- the stifling city heat, less friendly people than in Bogotá, the fact that it’s dirtier, and I felt sick for the past couple of days, but mainly I’ve been missing Bogotá and the people I met there. So I’ve been in a less than great mood. I stayed in bed until about 2 pm today (with the exception of getting up briefly to eat the hotel breakfast which is included) and around noon decided to start writing out my feelings while lying in bed. I ended up feeling slightly better. I looked out the window to see that it was a clear, sunny day, and the cute café across the street from my hotel was bustling. So I threw myself together, grabbed my laptop, and here I am writing this blog. As a treat to myself, I made a reservation for one at an upscale restaurant within Medellín’s botanical garden for tonight. Tomorrow afternoon, I head to Cartagena.